About YALORT and Yalortism

Who is YALORT?
YALORT is our god, the creator of the Solar System, and the one who will grant us eternal happiness! In appearance, he is green of hue, with the body of a tiger, the head of a dragon, and the wings of a magpie. He can freely shift form, however, so you never know when YALORT himself could be watching... Even we Priests don't know if YALORT is watching, as his True Form has not been seen by human eyes for a long time.
YALORT has unlimited divine powers and is, obviously, immortal. He has the power to craft worlds from nothing. See the Holy Book of YALORT for totally reliable and true descriptions of his holy acts and so on.

Why should I worship YALORT?
Because we say so, dammit!
Also, by worshipping YALORT, all of your unexplained questions about anything will be answered, and you need never fear again!
Have you ever spent days pondering over the purpose of the universe, how it came to be, or just "why?" As a Yalortian, you'd never need ask "why?" again without actually having an answer, and that answer is YALORT! Yes, any question you could possibly come up with could have "YALORT" or "because YALORT willed it" as the answer! Like so:
 
Q: "Why are we here?"
A: "Because YALORT willed it."
 
Q: "What is beyond the universe?"
A: "YALORT."
 
Q: "By golly gee whiz, nature shuur is complimacated and well-designed! Who made it?!?"
A: "YALORT, *obviously*. I mean, look at lizards! They're PROOF. It's so blindingly obvious that I just WEEP when people can't see that it's true!"
 
Q: "Do you like fried raspberries?"
A: "...YALORT?"

Okay, so what makes you think Yalortism is right but the other religions aren't?
When was it ever mentioned that we think all the other religions are wrong? ...Nowhere yet, so I'll mention it here: ALL OTHER RELIGIONS ARE WRONG. They're just crazy, crazy lies! Fabrications developed by madmen and their mad wives (though not so much by the wives because women obviously can't think, DUH), used to control the masses. Unlike Yalortism. Yes, that is unlike Yalortism in every aspect.
We make no claims of controlling the masses, though we do direct our followers to live exactly as we dictate, lest they fear the penalty of death. And we can give that to them and get away with it too because we're a religion. As a religion, we can get away with lots of things!
Anyway, Yalortism is right because the Holy Book of Yalortism says so! What more proof do you need?! GEEZE!

What are the laws of Yalortism?
Basically, they are: do as we say, or else.
See The Ten Commandments for a few more specific guidelines.
Most importantly of all though, it's just best to believe everything your superiors say without question. Questioning is wrong.

This doesn't sound convincing. What proof do you have that this 'YALORT' guy exists?
Proof for YALORT's existence can be seen all around us! Here are a few physical and logical examples:
- Lizards exist, and they look sort of vaguely like dragons! Therefore YALORT made them and he exists.
- Since the beginning of time (which was when YALORT decided to make time), people have worshipped 'dragons', but none have ever roamed the earth. It's obvious they were just praying to YALORT. Obvious!
- YALORT is a deity, so he's almighty and great and an ultimately powerful entity. Existing is a good thing. YALORT has every good trait (probably; don't argue), therefore YALORT *MUST* have the propery of existing, therefore he does! Obvious!
- The universe exists, therefore SOMEONE must have made it. Things can't exist unless an intelligence made them! That's, like, impossible or something! Even with my years of learning at a strict Yalortian school, I certainly can't comprehend otherwise, so it's just ABSURD! ABSURD to think it, what, just appeared of its own accord?! Tsk, silly. Anyway, the universe must have been started by SOMEONE, and that someone was YALORT! (The fact that he only made the Earth is irrelevant here; he was also the Prime Mover, probably. Don't argue; remember, doubt and questioning are bad, bad, evil things!)
- Things look like they were designed, so they must've been! I mean, look at nature. A nautilus's internal shell structure is EXACTLY THE SAME sa the inside of a fly's eyeball, or a leaf that's half way through rotting. Coincidence?! I THINK NOT!!! It just shows that YALORT made them (and BEFORE YOU SAY IT, He didn't have a lack of imagination - His imagination is infinite!! - He was just, uh... using leitmotifs. Yes, that). I mean, if you find a grandfather clock on the beach, then who made it? Grandfather? Ol' Mother Nature!? I think not!! As if women and old people can MAKE things. Ah, you silly, silly deluded fool and your wrong ideas.